When you look back on things, it's funny what you see. What you thought was a small insignificant event was actually screaming warning signs at you.
The BigGuy is repeating patterns, I can see it. He can't. He's throwing himself into this new relationship with this girl, to forget about me. The funny thing is - I should have seen this coming. He always took her side when she was arguing with KG. He always said how great she was, how she was relationship material. Funny, I never thought it mattered that he kept a picture of her cleavage on his phone. I was never one to care about that sort of thing. I never thought to care about the amount of time they spent talking to each other. She was my friend, right? So it didn't matter that they texted back and forth often. It didn't matter that they went for coffee.
Until it did matter, Until she told him (while he and I were together) that she loved him. Wanted a relationship with him. Then it mattered, and I should have seen it coming. Of course she was the one he would run to every time we argued..Of course no one is going to believe that "just happened" not when they know the whole story. So, I wonder how long it went on for. How many conversations were had? How many times they discussed how perfect they were for each other, how terrible their own relationships were.
If the BigGuy was the guy I knew 6 years ago, maybe I wouldn't think this way. But he has become a person I don't know. He is so concerned about what other people think. He doesn't see what is right in front of him. He doesn't see that the choices he is making are affecting him, his children. I don't know this guy, I don't like this guy. It makes me question who the hell I was with all this time. Makes me question if the other "Just Friends" actually were.
I'm not sad, there are no tears anymore. I feel stupid. Like I wasted 12 years. There were good things, but I feel like maybe we should have broken up years ago. Saved him the hassle of pretending, while wanting to be somewhere else. I used to think that, I used to tell a girlfriend of mine that I was convinced he doesn't even like me. She used to talk me down, funny that I find out.. She's had been sleeping with him all along..
Funny how things go.
The BigGuy is repeating patterns, I can see it. He can't. He's throwing himself into this new relationship with this girl, to forget about me. The funny thing is - I should have seen this coming. He always took her side when she was arguing with KG. He always said how great she was, how she was relationship material. Funny, I never thought it mattered that he kept a picture of her cleavage on his phone. I was never one to care about that sort of thing. I never thought to care about the amount of time they spent talking to each other. She was my friend, right? So it didn't matter that they texted back and forth often. It didn't matter that they went for coffee.
Until it did matter, Until she told him (while he and I were together) that she loved him. Wanted a relationship with him. Then it mattered, and I should have seen it coming. Of course she was the one he would run to every time we argued..Of course no one is going to believe that "just happened" not when they know the whole story. So, I wonder how long it went on for. How many conversations were had? How many times they discussed how perfect they were for each other, how terrible their own relationships were.
If the BigGuy was the guy I knew 6 years ago, maybe I wouldn't think this way. But he has become a person I don't know. He is so concerned about what other people think. He doesn't see what is right in front of him. He doesn't see that the choices he is making are affecting him, his children. I don't know this guy, I don't like this guy. It makes me question who the hell I was with all this time. Makes me question if the other "Just Friends" actually were.
I'm not sad, there are no tears anymore. I feel stupid. Like I wasted 12 years. There were good things, but I feel like maybe we should have broken up years ago. Saved him the hassle of pretending, while wanting to be somewhere else. I used to think that, I used to tell a girlfriend of mine that I was convinced he doesn't even like me. She used to talk me down, funny that I find out.. She's had been sleeping with him all along..
Funny how things go.