I remember the last time I was truly alone. It was November 16th, 1998 - sometime in the evening. I remember this because this was the time that I called my mother to tell her that my back was killing me.. And I couldn't sleep. She let me know that I was probably in labour. She came over to my newly rented apartment. Made me a tea, handed me a blanket and we proceeded to wait a day and a half before going to the hospital. A day later my son was born. Slimy, lanky, gross... but more on that later.
That was the last time I was truly alone. Yes, he has gone to his grand-parents or friends houses. Yes I have gone away on a vacation. But I ALWAYS knew where my child was.
Every. Waking. Moment.
I knew that I didn't have to call, I could literally go to where he was. And he would be there.
When the BigGuy would go away for work, my son would be home. When my son would go away for a weekend, the BigGuy was home.
This last week, its just been me. Alone...
**tumbleweeds**
Fun right? I'm not sure. It is nice having a clean house, dishes always clean, laundry put away. I can't find dirty socks anywhere. But - I forgot how quiet it can get.
I always said I wouldn't be my mother, and project my own fears upon my child. So when this trip-of-a-lifetime came up to go to the mountains in British Columbia, I had to let him go. I had to let him jump on a plane and fly across the country. It sounded like a great idea a year ago, until the early morning came where I had to drop him off at terminal 2 give him a hug (okay 3 or 4) and say goodbye. I waved with a smile, and didn't shed a tear. I watched him walk through those doors to a whole new adventure without his mother.
Sounds stupid right? That I didn't want him to go?
It's not just an airplane, its life. This is yet another step that he is growing up, soon he won't need his mother anymore. Soon he will have his own life, his own family and as much as I look forward to that next stage it is terrifying. I look forward to the day it is just me and the BigGuy, we can do as we please, when we please. But its bittersweet, knowing that my baby - my perfect little being has gone off into the world, armed with the skills I taught him.
Did I teach him well? I like to think so..
... He doesn't leave his dirty socks on the floor...
That was the last time I was truly alone. Yes, he has gone to his grand-parents or friends houses. Yes I have gone away on a vacation. But I ALWAYS knew where my child was.
Every. Waking. Moment.
I knew that I didn't have to call, I could literally go to where he was. And he would be there.
When the BigGuy would go away for work, my son would be home. When my son would go away for a weekend, the BigGuy was home.
This last week, its just been me. Alone...
**tumbleweeds**
Fun right? I'm not sure. It is nice having a clean house, dishes always clean, laundry put away. I can't find dirty socks anywhere. But - I forgot how quiet it can get.
I always said I wouldn't be my mother, and project my own fears upon my child. So when this trip-of-a-lifetime came up to go to the mountains in British Columbia, I had to let him go. I had to let him jump on a plane and fly across the country. It sounded like a great idea a year ago, until the early morning came where I had to drop him off at terminal 2 give him a hug (okay 3 or 4) and say goodbye. I waved with a smile, and didn't shed a tear. I watched him walk through those doors to a whole new adventure without his mother.
Sounds stupid right? That I didn't want him to go?
It's not just an airplane, its life. This is yet another step that he is growing up, soon he won't need his mother anymore. Soon he will have his own life, his own family and as much as I look forward to that next stage it is terrifying. I look forward to the day it is just me and the BigGuy, we can do as we please, when we please. But its bittersweet, knowing that my baby - my perfect little being has gone off into the world, armed with the skills I taught him.
Did I teach him well? I like to think so..
... He doesn't leave his dirty socks on the floor...