I saw something earlier today that I really, really didn't want to see. I know its there, happening. I just didn't want to see it happen. I'm glad he's happy. He's in a place where he can finally post about it. I just don't want to see it.
Anyways. It made me realize something. (One - i'm not over him - Yeah - Newsflash) but the other.. I'm a groomer. I'm the girl you date before the girl you date. I'm a 'Relationship Fluffer'
I should probably back up a slight bit. Back to May.. This Dude, you know.. TheDude... messages me out of the blue asking how our team did in a tournament. We had to speak here and there - nothing major. So I tell him, I'm in a good place - We're supposed to be friends right?
Right. So we chat. Then he decides to tell me he made a mistake & shouldn't have ended things. Okaay.... Talk about throw me for a loop. So we chat, hang out - with some friends mind you. Then he gets all weird again, and I tell him he isn't being fair. After I cleaned up the morning after a party (Totally kicked ass in beer-pong #JustSayin) So - Back to just acquaintances. I carry on with my life.
Then I'm at a concert. He starts texting me. I end up giving him a lift home from the station. We chat. He wants me to stay over - I go home.
June - I'm at a wedding. Beautiful. Outdoor, pouring rain, rubber boots. It was awesome. And who starts texting me. Then begs me to call him. I leave the dance floor, walk across the field in the pouring rain, hide under a tree and call him.
He proceeds to spend an hour, telling me how he missed me, how I changed his life, made him a better person. How he wasn't ready before - but now he is. He spoke to a trusted friend who made him realize all he wants is me, and he wants everyone to know - Fuck It. He loves me. Basically everything in the "How To Get A Broken Hearted Girl To Sleep With You Again" HandBook. He begs me to come over after the wedding. I'm an idiot - so I do. We talk, he's so fucking convincing, and so we hang out a few times. He invites me away for a weekend. WITH HIS FUCKING FAMILY.. Spends the Friday night in front of a fire, professing his love for me in front of mutual people. Telling them how happy I make him. Saturday.. he spends an awful lot of time on his phone. By Monday - "It's not going to work out"
That's right folks. He broke up with me in a text message. That's how much I meant to him.
Anyways. I recently meet a few people. Who volunteer some very interesting information. Dude was full of shit the entire time. He was seeing more than me, he cheated multiple times on his past relationship, Pretty much everything he ever told me was completely false. He led me on for an entire year, fed me all kinds of bullshit. How we had a connection.. at the same time telling some chick that she should be there with him. Even inviting her over when I was there. Like.. I can't even. He fucking had me. I'm slightly impressed because I'm not normally that easy to fuck over. I mean - He was so bloody convincing.. Had me believing that we would actually be a real couple.. Had me convinced the issue was his Ex who hated me, and that he was just too scared to admit to her that we were dating. HAH. No. That was just part of the cover up. She probably doesn't give a shit, he lied to me about absolutely everything.. .
I mean, did he even LIKE StarWars?
The fact is, he's dating someone new. I saw a post - it upset me. He's happy. Obviously, because he never shared any posts about me or the other women. So maybe he actually found one he truly cares for. And I'm glad, because despite everything, every lie, every fact I've found out - I still want him to be happy. I will still protect him & suffer silently, not saying anything, taking all the fucking blame.. While he has all the glory. I guess that's what you do when you love someone. Protect them even when it destroys you.
So all this got me thinking. And then I realized. I'm the Fluffer.
I meet & befriend these people.. at their worst times. TheDude - helped him realize he was much better on the outside, BigGuy - right after his marriage/divorce had destroyed his self-esteem.. Country, MotocrossGuy, not to mention those I dated in college.. It's all there.
I'm just the ReboundGirl. I have this strange habit of dating guys as they are coming out of a relationship. I make them feel better, help them through their emotional trauma.. and when they are healed.. they don't need me anymore and move on. I gotta figure out why I do that.
I've recently met another person. We'll call him the Gentleman. He's nice to me. Definitely weird. Has the same BlackSheep states that I seem to have picked up over the last year.. Seems like he is genuinely interested...
Except... He's got a rather large Raccoon problem. (You know Raccoons.. They're cute, possessive, territorial. like shiny things..)
So here I am, over a few drinks, telling the Gentleman that he needs to figure out why he's keeping her in the background. Why he still entertains the Raccoon.. Why answer the texts, Emails... phone calls.. There's the typical excuse - "I'm not an asshole" and OHMYGODIMDOINGITAGAIN..
Seriously. I'm helping him sort his shit out so that he can work things out with her. I mean, we only started chatting, there's no emotional investment yet. So far we are friends. But the fucking realization hit me like a wooden spoon across the knuckles.
I'm the Relationship Fluffer...
I'll have business cards made up.